Listening our way forward

Chris: Of all the activities related to our craft of teaching, apart from knocking out a banging language lesson, my favourite is putting together and delivering conference sessions. It’s a process I never get tired of talking about. For this reason, rather than any true sense of altruism, I put myself forward now and then as mentor for speakers at conferences – one of those being IATEFL.

I was quite surprised when, for IATEFL Edinburgh 2025, my assigned mentee turned out to be Pablo Molina Byers. Pablo, already an established trainer and presenter, who I knew, hails from the coaching end of our ELT spectrum, a community which I have not much engaged with, perhaps considering myself more of a ‘spit ‘n’ sawdust’ classroom practitioner at the trad end of methodology.

Let me state at the outset that Pablo didn’t need my help – he would have been fine without a mentor – but I have learnt that Pablo’s not about knowing everything, or who knows the most. He’s about learning more. So, there we were, two process men, probably from different generational cohorts, bro-ing out over Zoom during a series of ELT-nerd-heavy conversations on session content and session construction.

As we chatted about his plans for the session, and the various interpersonal exercises he intended to run, it became clear we had much more in common than I had first supposed, and that the applications of his communication techniques were manifest for the ‘front line’ teacher.

I shall hand over to Pablo to explain the exercises he ran, and pop back to comment on how they resonate for me in terms of day-to-day language school life.

Pablo: Thank you, Chris! Now, very much like in the session Chris helped me design for IATEFL, let’s look at the framework within which we are talking. By ‘coaching’ we mean the International Coaching Federation’s (ICFs) description and scope. Think wise, old, person simply asking questions, not so much the cheerleader, you-can-do-it type of interaction, which can be a popular misconception.

A lot of standard ELT training involves telling trainees what they need to know and pushing them to what’s considered ‘good’ practice (directive teaching). I hail from what Chris calls the ‘other side of the spectrum’ because, while going on to become a certified coach, I expanded into a nondirective style which includes three key skills: presence, active listening and evoking awareness (through asking questions).

These three, for me, are the foundations of coaching and its most transformative principles. They certainly constitute a major shift from what we’re used to in ‘standard’ education.

On the back of all that, those three skills are the ones I decided to practise with a live audience in the session – each with a corresponding activity. You can try them out too. Here we go.

Being present involves stopping and checking in on yourself, in order to be present for another person.

Possible cliche, but it all starts with you. I asked participants to focus on their breathing for thirty seconds. To just observe it. Shallow? Deep? Very similar to when you might meditate or engage in a mindfulness exercise. You’re essentially taking a moment to check-in on yourself.

Essentially, where are you when you are in the classroom? Are you actually there? Or are you in your lesson plan? And what’s the next stage? Are you still miffed about how the previous class went? Or still holding on to what that parent or student or colleague said or did? Did you leave the heating, or the iron, or the cooker on at home? Hopefully, you get the gist.

Chris: Just wanting the lesson to be over, and simply trying to get to the end, is a sad state of mind for a teacher but it happens to all of us when, as Pablo points out, we are distracted, face challenging behaviour or are not really committing to the moment.

By taking time to experience, and hopefully enjoy, the lesson as an event – by being there, accepting we’re there and embracing the opportunity to connect with the people in the room – we will immediately start to interpret and react to in-class happenings as they unfurl in a more even-tempered, robust and appreciative light.

As an observer, I love to see a teacher stop fretting about however many exercises they had planned to get through, place a chair in front of the group, plant themselves in it (with notebook for scribbling input language or corrections to revisit) and actually engage with the people in the room.

Pablo: We’re still on being present, but now that you’ve experienced checking in on yourself and have become more self-aware, it’s time to turn your attention outwards. In pairs I asked participants, for 15 seconds, to focus their attention for their partner. Yes, for their partner.

I know the expected collocation is ‘on’ but here we really are focusing for the person we’re working with. In a world where our attention is the most sought-after resource, we’re constantly being pulled one way and another, but here, in this exercise, you are willingly, conscientiously, choosing to give your attention to someone else. And, we did this in silence (you’ll read why in a minute).

So, what exactly did the task consist of? Same as before, but focused outwards. It involved observing their partner’s breathing, posture, the angling of their body (especially their shoulders) and most importantly, doing so judgement free.

Now, reading this, and putting yourself in my audience’s shoes, you might imagine that they felt a little uncomfortable. Some of them really did (revealed when I flashed up a set of questions encouraging them to share, after the exercise).

Credit where it’s due, such an activity is quite an intimate thing to do. You are connecting with another person in a way that, generally speaking, we’re not used to. Depending on your preferred terminology or conceptual toolkit, it catalyses rapport, accelerates ‘vibing’, sets a common frequency or is akin to synching up devices.

Chris: Being able to see others, really see them, is a huge gift. But what Pablo’s highlighting is that it isn’t about being able to do it, it’s about taking the time to do it. Consequently, it isn’t a gift either. It’s a result of work put in.

I’m known for my work on teaching teenagers. One of my beliefs is that there is no ‘natural’ teens teacher. We can all choose to see the groups of young people in front of us. To echo educator Carol Anne Tomlinson (2012), we can all choose to ‘watch them more than you ever have before’, we can ‘look harder and look beneath the surface’. What are they doing? What do they need?

Whatever it is they are doing, we accept that this behaviour makes sense to them. Of necessity, we nudge, guide, challenge; but we do so with what psychologist Carl Rogers (1957) termed ‘unconditional positive regard’. Especially when dealing with teens and young adults, we also try, as therapist Albert Ellis (2009) recommended, to judge actions, not individuals. By doing so, we leave open a path to redemption, a way back, a reason to ‘be good again’.

Pablo: Having focused our attention for another, we then built on that experience and moved on to the next skill: active listening.

Did you realise that the word ‘listen’ tells you exactly how to do it? If you rearrange the letters in ‘listen’ you get ‘silent’. That’s exactly what you have to do. Be silent. And that’s what we did.

In the same pairs, Partner A asked the question ‘How are you?’ and Partner B had two minutes to answer. Partner A had to actively listen by being present and holding that silence. Not a single word back was allowed: not an ‘uh-hu’ or a ‘hhmm’ (because those often emit judgement, and remember, we’re trying to be judgement free).

What happened?

Did the Partner Bs clam up?

Nope! If I’d let them, the Bs would have taken 5 or even 10 minutes more to answer the question fully and so would have their partners when their turn came.

What does this tell us?

If choosing to give your presence, your attention, your time to someone is already a precious gift for that other person, actively listening to them, judgement free, holding that silence, is the single most altruistic act of love and kindness you can exercise.

Chris: Just read that last sentence one more time, eh! Isn’t it beautiful?

Pablo: I understand however, that as teachers, trainers, managers and leaders, we’re not used to being silent and focusing on listening. Or, if we are, we do so poised to introduce our own agenda and to guide directively – remember our old friend?

Holding silence, provides the space for our partners in communication, whoever they may be, to explore further and tell us more. By being present and actively listening, we build an immediate environment where there is support rather than judgement and thanks to that, trust (through agency, but that’s a different conversation).

Alright, skill and activity three. Sometimes those speaking to us will just want to be listened to, and that’ll be enough for them to walk away having heard themselves and realised something new. Sometimes however, we can help evoke awareness in teachers or trainers or directors, through wh- questions: Why is this important? How does this make you feel? What other outcome would you prefer? What do you want to do?

Again, pairs, put it all together, presence, active listening and now, your only contribution could be through asking these type of questions. (That’s if you decided to contribute verbally, sometimes the best ‘question’ is silence.)

Chris: So we’re not just giving them space, we’re giving them more space and the choice of which angle to take.

Imagine: You’re a language teacher, and a student tells you ‘I don’t understand’. That’s your chance to start teaching. But you have to shut up and let them try to explain what they don’t understand before you can help them. To do so, you need all the underlying skills Pablo talked about.

Imagine: You’re a centre director and a first-year teacher breaks down in your office. Your approach to self- and other-awareness will decide if she does so while trying to explain the challenges she faces or actually managing to explain them. The skill set Pablo works is not ‘hippy stuff’ for a ‘snowflake generation’. It’s nuts and bolts communication skills from time immemorial.

Pablo: Since Socrates, in fact.

Chris: Good one – absolutely. It’s intense, conscious and enlightening. If you don’t believe me, attend one of his workshops.

Pablo: And that was it! The energy in the room had been electric, thick, light and kind. On the faces at the end, I saw interest, confusion (the type you feel when your brain’s been stretched), exhaustion, peace, delight and lots of gratitude. We had all connected and experienced learning closer to the nondirective side of the continuum.

As a wrap I’ll leave this: presence, listening and evoking awareness are in practice, tools for transformation – both for us and for our learners. Expanding our teaching toolkit to include these nondirective approaches isn’t about abandoning what we do well; it’s about building on it. In today’s world, where connection and curiosity matter as much as content, learning to walk beside our learners by giving space and opportunity for them to become aware feels like the natural next step. It’s an evolution – one that systems like Finland’s have embraced for years, with remarkable results. Maybe it’s time we leant further into teaching as a shared exploration and responsibility – one where everyone in the room, ourselves included, keeps learning.

If you’d like to connect, know more or see what’s coming up, you can do so below!

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